tout que j'entends est bruit

Hello my loves,

After a week in Mexico, I find myself torn and desperately seeking who i have become and who i am wanting to be. Have you ever found yourself whole heartedly wanting to be apart of something of this world? The affection and attention of friends? or perhaps it was the image a set of friends has set around us? Lately I find myself really struggling with what defines a harmful influence of the world on my life and my being to the point of idolatry and the blurred line of where that love and passion for certain things within the world are in fact another way for the Lord to call and work with those passions. Let me explain. All of my life, I have been so enthralled with fashion. i love wearing pieces that exemplify a love for individuality and expression of passion in a way that is visible. Then I was told I was extremely materialistic for wanting such clothing for being so involved in an industry that was solely focused on the outside appearance of others and of myself. But my heart pursued. Everything in me tried to just wear sweats and not comb my hair, not wear makeup, be "natural" in pursuit of the God that loved me "just as i was." But that in itself was an image. As I grew into this pursuit of God and pursuit of a passion that I felt for years, I began to DESPERATELY seek God. I didn't understand why i still loved fashion and what it entailed until this year. (and not saying i fully understand it, but God is definately showing me that it is a passion that is aiding in his service and is revealing that to me slowly). through my love of clothing, and the people that were seemingly drawn to that style of clothing and scene were not necesarily the first to be Christians. As girls would come up to me with friends at a fashion event and dance night, they would begin talking about my clothes and what i seemed to be like, and every single time it lead to me being able to talk to them about where i went to school and how great is was to be a Christian in search of God and being able to still go out, get dressed up, have fun, and meet people from all over. The first response is usually, "wait, YOU are a Christian?" and usually i dont know if that is a compliment or an insult, but it leads to them seeing that Christ can be within the world and within the love of music, of fellowship, and of people regardless of the image they produce. you want to not wear shoes? great, love God with all your heart and show that it more than just your desire to reach him in a look. you want to wear all mac make up and stilletos? great, love God with all your heart and be comfortable enough to not need that as a necessity but rather a passion in which you can follow without idolatry and show that love of God in your actions.

In the end, I remembered a sermon that was given. God so loved the world He gave up his only son. You know the verse. Well, it states plainly, God SO LOVED THE WORLD. He didn't regect the world compeletly, he didn't ignore the things of the world, he didn't say it was all bad. no, he LOVED the world. why do we try so hard to reject the things of this world rather than seek to see why we have passions for things in this world and see how those passions can then glorify God? Yes, there are bad worldly things, yes there are ways we can take our pursuit for God outside this world too far.

I love fashion, i love music, i love dancing. Yes, i go clubbing, yes, i wear random fur coats, yes, i love getting dressed up. Yes, i can serve people who would not be reached otherwise, in being at those places with an open heart and a steadfast spirit guiding my choices.

I should be writing a paper. This was just a testimony that was on my mind.

au revoir,

i am simply vee