late

It's already almost 4:30 in the morning. I am supposed to be writing a paper about Barack Obama's speech. I have a headache that is slightly throbbing and my stomach making more noise than ashly custer's mouth. Sorry ashly, it is true. I am debating on whether or not I want to pull an all nighter. I feel like I can just write in here and shower and then take my time in getting ready, and be done for class at 9:15. Yes, maybe? I miss you friends. your delightful fellowship. I miss the comfort of unconditional love; simply knowing that you will still love me exactly the same no matter how often I do or don't see you. I really need some of that right now. I feel lonely and longing really often, here at the Mont. I am surrounded by wonderful people, but at the same time I have really destructive people surrounding me constantly. I hate having to question myself and get sucked into the nonsense that floats in their heads. I know I am better than this. I know that they are wrong, but in the moment I seem to loose focus of that. 

Some things going on lately? I went on my first mission's trip to mexico and got to serve the amazing people that live in Ensenada. It was a little nerve wrecking because I didn't know what to expect or who I was going to meet. I knew that I didn't want to go into it with a mind set that I was in any way "holier" or showing God to them or even worse..."bringing God to them." I hate hearing those things. Some people say things like that and it is like saying that God was not already there. He is EVERYWHERE. I was really doubtful about going but I am so glad that I did. I was surrounded by amazing supportive people and have expanded my friendships and really had a chance to get to know some new people that were just so intriguing. God let me see that I was not there to show them a new light, but rather act as a mirror and let them expose their light even more and show them, through that, how God's light within us is bigger than anything else. I was put on the mexican girl's soccer team and got a jersey and everything. Legit i know. :) then max and I played with the kids. We caught bubbles. 

I went to worship tonight. God really put some big things into perspective for me. In singing to him, I felt an overwhelming sense of attraction. I saw God holding a giant bouquet of flowers for me right in front of me just waiting to fall in love with me. I know that this is true and what he is calling be back to. I have not been focusing on loving God so much that everything else fades away, but I have been loving everything else so much that I am letting God's face slip away. I am so excited to fall in love all over again. 

I can't wait for thanksgiving. Let's have a turkey party. I'll cook. I just would love to see your faces and be in your presence. I know our christmas party is going to be amazing. Greg and I are planning on taking Christmas Pictures in Cosby Sweaters and making cards to send so I'll update you on that one. I hope everything is going well. I'll try to update this so that you know what is going on. I love you friends. I really put a lot of emphasis on what it means to be a friend and I want that to never fade. Never EVER diminish. I love you just the same as I always will, unconditionally. 

You are wonderful. Goodnight.