i am far away from home.
it is so funny how we get so comfortable with ideas or places or even people in our lives and compare new people, places, things, to them. i have been in san fran for almost a week now. a good 6 hours or so away from home. growing up i have a good idea of how to be flexible. that includes my personality, my ability to adapt to new situations and mostly my tolerance for everything, good or bad.
this trip we, as in greg and i, have seen the good and the not so good. i don't know if you have ever had someone that could really truly been there supporting you and holding you up with all they have when you feel like you just need to give up. well, i have that. i have gregory. i'm not saying that everyone needs to have a gregory, but i do.
i think forgiveness has been pushing its overwhelming face in my business a lot this winter break. forgiveness is such a large thing and is so heavy and not so easily welcomed into our lives sometimes. but i really feel like i somehow have been in its presence more often lately. i got upset over something, this was the kind of upset where if someone else was to look at the situation they would mock me for being such a pain in the rear end, but through my eyes, i was mad and i couldn't let it go.
i have been with greg for almost a year, 11 months today, and i don't know if it has been the time, or the events, or the fact that it was written that has made us so unbreakable, but God sure has pulled us through some things that continue to hurt at times.
regardless of what it was that made us to be what we were, as soon as i felt myself get upset, i couldn't let go of the image of just needing to hug him and let him know that it was going to be alright within a matter of time. i just needed to forgive him. i was still hurting, i was still crying, i was still shaking, but none of that mattered. i couldn't wait to hug him, smile at him, feel the joy that i always felt apart from any other sort of joy imaginable. i couldn't wait to be so purely in love with him.
i don't really know the extent of forgiveness because i feel like the fact that i still need to do it all the time, the fact that i need to ask for it, just shows how it is going to be a learning experience no matter how many times it happens. i just know that i love the feeling of having hope for joy in the midst of feeling so crummy. i don't know what else could possibly bring this on besides the need for forgiveness.
i guess what i am trying to say is that regardless of any other feeling in the world, i can escape the pain, sorrow, hurt, or anything else that affects me in such an ugly way, by simply looking for ways to be forgiven, or forgive. it has been a very heavy weight on my heart lately and i think it is something you need to know.
until next time,
vee